Archives For having it all

The debate continues about whether Sheryl Sandberg’s message about leaning in is the right message to send to the women who aspire to be in the corporate world, but struggle to make it happen for various reasons.  While some of the comments have been positive, her message has certainly received a number of harsh criticisms.

In a recent HBR post, James Allworth talks about how it is not women who should lean in, but men should step back instead.  Earlier, CNN published an article about having it all that sparked a lot of debate on whether it is women or men that have it all.  My blog post on having it all addressed that topic to highlight that it is not about having it all and rather about knowing how to navigate the environment we are in.  Also, recently, Kristin van Ogtrop of Time’s Real Simple wrote about how she would rather stand up straight.

The point in these articles is that there is more to life than trying to constantly do better and want more.  And more to life than being aggressive in one’s career or working too much.  Couldn’t agree more!  But, when I read these takeaways, it occurs to me that something fundamental has been misconstrued from Sandberg’s message of leaning in.  I don’t believe it is about working oneself to exhaustion or ignoring everything else in life.  It is about paying attention to our environments and being one among the (male dominant) corporate population that gets much of the attention.  All within the scope of what we do and more importantly, what we want to do.

For women that have navigated the corporate world, even the ones like me who are mostly just nobodys in various organizations, this distinction should be clear.  If, as some reviews of the book have suggested, men were to actually alter their behavior, then perhaps women become natural members of the corporate society and we don’t need to be talking about what it means to lean in.  But, as it stands today, for the woman that desires to be in the game, it is rather important to assume the behavior that is most familiar to the predominant decision makers and the corporate society at large.  Mostly speaking, that is all about confidence and communication – and these are not necessarily bad characteristics to adopt.

When we have that moment of doubt, we just need to remember that such moments happen to everyone, including the men at the table.  That will help us get past it and be in the game. Not by overworking or constantly looking for more, but simply by knowing that we can do as well as our male counterparts in what we choose to do!

Having It All!

March 15, 2013 — Leave a comment

As the world is busy debating whether women or men can have it all, it strikes me as unfortunate that we are even having this debate.  “You cannot have it all” is a lesson we teach our kids from a young age.  As part of parenting, many of us teach our kids that they have choices and they need to make a choice.  So, why is it that as adults, we seem to be busy debating who has more or if anyone can have it all?  Of course we cannot have it all. We don’t have infinite time – there are times when we do have to make a call between taking our children to the park and staying late at work to meet a milestone.  Or, even tougher choices about going to our child’s recital vs a big presentation perhaps.  And some women may want to do so much of one that they opt out of the other.  That is perfectly fair and fine.  All the debate only applies to those women that want to have a career (not necessarily at the expense of everything else).  But the key point this debate seems to miss is that it is about encouraging women to believe in themselves and focus on their strengths.


I wrote about empowering women a while ago.  Sandberg’s TED talk sends a similar message.  If you aspire to have a career, the #1 thing you have to do is to be confident of yourself.  On a related note, over the years, there has been a lot of debate on whether it is necessary for a woman to look good to be successful (do looks matter?).  I strongly believe it is tied back to self-confidence – the confidence that comes naturally when we feel good; the feeling that sometimes comes when we think we look good!  So, it is necessary to dress for success – only in a way that maps to our confidence.

As women, we are wired to think differently from men.  That is a known theory, one that we see play out a lot in life.  However, being more self aware of our strengths and weaknesses can bring so much to our success.  There is no reason for us to hold back.  We need to know that we can do as well as our male counterparts.  We need to forget about gender for that moment and pull up a chair “at the table”, to borrow Sandberg’s phrase.  More often than not, it is us, women, that self-impose restrictions on ourselves.  If we believed we can do it and we acted like we can do it, the rest will follow.  Let’s focus on the fundamental message of leadership here instead of the futile debate on having it all!